If you are serious about getting rid of your hemorrhoids, you’re going to need some stuff. It’s way cheaper than surgery and believe me, not having hemorrhoids is worth 1000 times the cost of these items. The products I am linking to are the exact products that I used to cure my last hemorrhoid/continue to use to prevent hemorrhoids from recurring.
Metamucil – #1 on the “must have” list. As long as you don’t have any contraindications (ask your doctor), you should be taking this with a large glass of water every day. The main ingredient is Psyllium Fiber. This will help your poop to be just right. Not too hard (constipated) not too soft/loose (diarrhea). This also can help to reduce cholesterol. I started taking Metamucil to cure my last hemorrhoid in 2011. I still take Metamucil every day. Click Here to purchase Metamucil from Amazon.com
Sitz Bath – a Sitz Bath with warm water and epsom salt will soothe and reduce inflammation to the hemorrhoid. It is essential to do this 3-4x/day when curing a hemorrhoid. Once the hemorrhoid is healed, it is no longer necessary. Click Here to purchase a Sitz Bath from Amazon.com
Totables – Single-pack Medicated Wipes. These are handy to take to work, anywhere outside of the house. It’s easy to put a few of these in your pocket/bag without advertising to the world about your hemorrhoid. Remember, NEVER use normal TP, especially the cheap sandpaper TP you find in public restrooms! Click Here to purchase Totables from Amazon.com
Wet Wipes – When you have a hemorrhoid, you should use medicated wipes. When the hemorrhoid is gone, switch to Wet Wipes. It has been 4+ years since my last hemorrhoid, and I still use Wet Wipes. Never use normal TP! Click Here to purchase Wet Wipes from Amazon.com
Witch Hazel – Witch Hazel is an astringent (shrinks body tissues) made of from the leaves and bark of the North American shrub “Hamamelis virginiana”. It can be applied to a cotton ball, then upon the hemorrhoid, for an immediate soothing, cooling and shrinking of the hemorrhoid. Click Here to purchase Witch Hazel from Amazon.com
But nothing is where you want it to be when moving from hotel to hotel. Where are the spoons!?!? Time to improvise. I poured some Metamucil into a cup, used the cup as a makeshift funnel to pour the fibery goodness into a water bottle, then poured in water.
I was a bit blocked up from the change in foods and again, my Gastro-GPS, so I took a Colace (ducosate) and wham-bamalam-boom. That disabled my away-from-home-colon-lock. Good stuff. I’ve added Colace to my out-of-town bathroom kit. Very gentle, no diarrhea.
Keep a few things handy when you’re not at home, and you will not have a hemorrhoid to nurse when you return home.
My Solution to Pruritis Ani (Itchy Bottom) – Nivea Soft!
I posted a few weeks ago about having an itchy bottom, which is technically referred to as “Pruritis Ani”. After doing some research, I decided that mine was probably being caused by irritation, possibly from changing soaps and too much scratching. I tried switching to Dove Soap, as it has been historically gentle to my skin. That alone did not seem to stop the itching. I started to get a little bit worried until I stumbled across some Nivea Soft moisturizing lotion in the bathroom drawer. I put a tiny dab of that onto the effected area, and voila problem solved. I guess I was just too dry there. I immediately grabbed a 4-pack at a ridiculously good price via Amazon.com.
I really like this moisturizing cream. It is not greasy and it has a very soft scent that is not too girly (although I do like the smell of it on my girlfriend!). I’m not much of a “metro-sexual” but the light scent is very pleasant. I’m not sure what the scent is, but it is gentle enough to cure and not irritate my itchy bottom any further.
My skin drinks this stuff up pretty fast. I’ve found myself using it everywhere and my GF says my skin looks better. She likes the smell on me as well.
I can’t say with 100% certainty if this will cure Itchy Bottom for you, as dry irritated skin is only one of the causes. But if you suspect that dry skin and perhaps a bit of scratching is causing Itchy Bottom for you, I can definitely recommend that you give it a try. Your skin may be different from mine, you may want to try something completely free of any scent, such as Cetaphil.
If moisturizing lotion has worked for you to cure your itchy bottom, I’d love to hear about it in the comments! Thanks – RG
Well, since I discuss all kinds of butt-conditions here at Hemorrhoid Talk, I suppose I’ll talk about my itchy bottom. Having had 4 hemorrhoids, I am very sensitive to anything unusual going on down there. I follow a simple plan to prevent hemorrhoids, but I do follow it religiously. A crucial step is paying attention to anything unusual. This itchy bottom that I have been experiencing for the last few days (the medical term for an itchy bottom is pruritis ani or anusitis) merits attention.
I am 100% certain that I have a healthy bottom. I just had a colonoscopy last month, and everything was perfect. I’m examining my behavior in the last week or so to think about what could be the cause of this itching. The first thing that comes to mind is that I have been changing soaps and showering at the gym (using the soap in the shower dispenser). I can’t say for a fact that this is the absolute cause, but for now I will return to the good old white Dove Bar which has been recommended over and over by every dermatologist I have ever encountered.
Taking a look at what are the common causes of itchy bottom, the Mayo Clinic provides four categories of causes:
Personal care habits. Your skin care routine may include products or behaviors that irritate the skin. These include washing too much, washing too little, and using soap, moist wipes or toilet paper with dyes and perfumes. Infections. Sexually transmitted infections may involve the anus and cause anal itching. Pinworms can cause persistent anal itching. Other parasites may cause similar itching. Yeast infections, which usually affect women, can also cause itching in the anal area. Skin conditions. Sometimes anal itching is the result of a specific skin condition, such as psoriasis or contact dermatitis. Other medical conditions. These include chronic diarrhea, hemorrhoids, anal tumors and diseases that affect the whole body, such as diabetes.
Sounds like I’ve possibly identified the cause. Infections, Skin Conditions, and Other Medical Conditions are highly unlikely considering the results of my recent colonoscopy, so it seems that Personal Care is the current main suspect. I’ll ask the gym what kind of soap they use in their shower dispensers, and I’ll be bringing my dove-in-the-ziploc to the gym starting now.
The Wikipedia page on Pruritis Ani describes an interesting phenomenon:
a common view suggests that the initial cause of the itch may have passed, and that the illness is in fact prolonged by what is known as an itch-scratch-itch cycle. It states that scratching the itch encourages the release of inflammatory chemicals, which worsen redness, intensifies itchiness and increases the area covered by dry skin, thereby causing a snowball effect.
That’s a possibility. I have been scratching a little bit. Point taken, no more scratching. For now, I’ll be switching from Wet Wipes back to Medicated Wet Wipes, and I’ll be applying some Preparation H pre-poop. I’ll report back in a week or so. – RG
My day normally starts with one coffee, and then just before nature calls I mix a large teaspoon of Metamucil into a 20 oz glass of water. Then I chase that with another full 20 oz glass. Then it’s off to the races. I’m as regular as a swiss watch. Wham-bamalam-boom and it all comes out in one 5-10 second shot.
Today I was distracted and neglected to perform my morning routine. The result? I’ve had to go three times today. All little dribs and drabs. No wham-bamalam-boom. The problem? The more time spent on the bowl pushing, and the more time spent wiping, puts me at a greater risk to get another hemorrhoid. I won’t be forgetting my routine tomorrow morning, or anytime soon for that matter.
If I were alone on a desert island and could only have one hemorrhoid product – it would be Metamucil. I don’t work for them, I’m not compensated by them, I’m just happy as hell that a simple drink every morning has kept me hemorrhoid free for nearly 5 years.
Click Here for the best price on the best product ever formulated in the history of poop.
A couple weeks ago, I had a Colonoscopy and Endoscopy – both procedures done together. Because I was having discomfort right in the middle of my stomach – just under the rib cage on the left side – my Gastroenterologist decided to take a look at my digestive tract from both directions. Now that it’s over, I can easily say that the preparation for the procedure was definitely the worst part. Click Here to read my post about preparing for a Colonoscopy.
Preparing for the Colonoscopy/Endoscopy, Preventing Hemorrhoids
As I mentioned in my previous post, I had to drink a 14-dose portion of Miralax (in addition to 6 dulcolax) to clean out my guts. Here’s how that played out: About an hour after finishing the 64 ozs of the Miralax/Gatorade/Water mix, I began to experience what Cholera must feel like. I finished the diarrhea cocktail at about 6pm, and then sh*t my brains out (some poop, then mostly water) – about 7-8 times between 7pm and 7am. The urge to poop died down close to midnight, allowing me to sleep most of the night – I had to get up once to go at about 3 am, and another few squirts at 7am before heading in for the procedure.
Over the course of those 7-8 watery poops, I used an entire 2 oz (57g) tube of Preparation H – inserting a ridiculous amount via the included applicator (Preparation H calls it the “pile-pipe” – I call it the “caulk gun”) after each visit to the toilet. Normally I use my finger, but I wanted to get a whopping dose of ointment way up in there. I know this kind of diarrhea can easily cause hemorrhoids, so I was not taking any chances. I advise caution when using the applicator. Squeeze some ointment out first, and insert slowly. That applicator is hard plastic, you don’t want to insert it too quickly and impale your rectum. I found that a squatting position was best for the careful insertion of the applicator. In hindsight it would have probably been easier and just as effective to use suppositories, I simply did not think to buy any beforehand. Had I used suppositories I probably would have inserted 2 rather than only one.
I’m very happy to report that my prevention efforts were successful. The Preparation H reduced/eliminated the irritation and prevented the system flush from causing any hemorrhoids. Wonderful! The last thing I want to do after a colonoscopy is to nurse a hemorrhoid. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – with hemorrhoids, an ounce of prevention is truly worth 1,000 lbs of cure.
The Colonoscopy & Endoscopy
Onto the procedure. I checked in, paid my copay – that was perhaps the most painful part. I changed into the open-back gown then watched some TV and dozed a little as they checked my vitals and inserted the IV port into my hand. I was worn out from having my guts flushed out so it was easy to doze off as I waited. After about a 20 minute wait, they wheeled me into the room where it all happens. I met my Gastroenterologist, said hello, and the next thing I remember was waking up in the post-op/recovery/whatever-you-call-it area. I don’t remember a thing. They told me that they use “the Michael Jackson drug” (Propofol). I was curious about this, so I did my research and read that:
The county coroner stated that he died from the combination of drugs in his body, with the most significant drugs being the anesthetic propofol and the anxiolytic lorazepam. Less significant drugs found in Jackson’s body were midazolam, diazepam, lidocaine, and ephedrine. (Source: Wikipedia)
That’s a hell of a mix. Since I wasn’t taking any ephedrine, lidocaine, diazepam, midazolam or lorazepam – and since the surgical center uses the Propofol on 1000’s of people every week – I wasn’t too worried about dying on the table. I’m guessing the 14 doses of Miralax was probably more toxic to my body than the Propofol. At least the propofol gave me a nice buzz for an hour or so when I came to.
There were some mild after-effects from the Propofol. I had a nice high for about an hour after I got home, then I crashed. The crash was probably amplified by the exhaustion of sh*tting my brains out the day before. I ate something light, the first meal I’d had for about 36 hours, then napped off and on for the rest of the day. I woke up the following day feeling 100% back to normal.
As for my results, they found mild colitis and gastritis. “Very very mild” according to my gastroenterologist. Nothing to be worried about. I am relieved that I went through with the procedures without worrying about being embarrassed or having made any other excuse to put it off. Everyone has an ass, I’ve never understood the “I’m embarrassed to do this” excuse. Maybe that’s just me. If you are at that time in your life where you should have a Colonoscopy, I encourage you to get it over with. It’s really not a big deal. If something is wrong, the sooner it is detected the better.
Regular screening can often find colorectal cancer early, when it is most likely to be curable. In many people, screening can also prevent colorectal cancer altogether. This is because some polyps, or growths, can be found and removed before they have the chance to turn into cancer. (Source: Cancer.org)
A new hemorrhoid ointment named HemoTreat claims to perform better than Preparation H. The HemoTreat website claims 97% “scientifically proven success rate.” HemoTreat furthermore offers a 100% money-back guarantee:
We provide any customer, for any reason, 100% money back if they are not fully satisfied. We offer this guarantee because we believe whole heartedly it will alleviate discomfort and provide long-term relief. (link)
A partial list of ingredients for the new HemoTreat Ointment includes Camphor, Calcium Carbonate, Eucalyptus Oil, Lanolin, Petroleum Jelly, and Adeps Suillus. As far as I can tell, Adeps Suillus is lard. HemoTreat claims that this ingredient helps absorption of the other ingredients.
I have not tested HemoTreat, I cannot comment about it’s claim to be superior to Preparation H. Reviews on Amazon.com are mixed.
My opinion – without having tested HemoTreat – is that those with hemorrhoids should not be looking for a miracle cream (HemoTreat does not claim to be a miracle cream for the record). A hemorrhoidal ointment is only a part of the equation to curing and preventing hemorrhoids. A hemorrhoid is the bodies way of telling us that we are doing something wrong. Typically this means poor diet and sedentary lifestyle. Making small changes to your diet, such as taking Metamucil daily, will result in far greater changes than trying out a new hemorrhoid ointment. Likewise reducing the amount of time spent seated – on the couch (get a treadmill!), in the car, at the desk (get a standing desk!) – will also have a much more profound positive result as compared to searching for the “best” hemorrhoid ointment.